For those of you out there who have never heard of the Simple series of games, I’ll give you a primer. D3 Publisher puts games out that are meant to be budget titles, there are two advantages to this, first there is little to no monetary risk, the games didn’t cost much, it’s not sold for much, in the end it’s a success either way.

The advantage to us, the gamer, is every now and then we get some truly unique titles, many out there infact have played simple series games that were “rebranded”, PAL gamers have long been able to enjoy the Oneechanbara (which is incidentally recieving an American release on the Wii) which was a simple series title, and for all of you Xbox 360 fans out there, if you played Earth Defense Force, you’ve played a D3 Title.

Of course with all the Gem’s that become cult favourites, you are sometimes greeted with steaming piles of shit, and the Maid clothes and machine gun falls far closer to the latter than it does the former.

Of course it’s saving grace is that it costs around the playing field of 25 USD, that lightens the blow, but the game is just plain broken and frusterating.

You might think that playing as a girl in a maid outfit with a Machine Gun and rocket launcher sounds fun(It’s that notion that caused me to take a chance on this “gem”) and that gaining points for sweeping up the remains of dead robotic girls for points is amusing, but in the end no matter what can evoke even the slightest chuckle from you doesn’t save this game.

So what’s wrong? For starters the lock on system is broken, although it’s removal entirely would make the game simply unplayable, and combat no matter how you look at it feels as though the main character shit her knickers. Your main weapon of course is a machine gun, and alternatively you have two other weapons, a rocket launcher, and a useless katana, and since the lock-on system and combat overall is so bad it’s actually a relief that all the enemies in the game seem to have the same shit in the panties issue. I did an expirement where I simply stood still for about a minute or two and the enemies kept jumping and sliding around me, like they all just got off the bus from retardsville and were promtly hired to take me down.

Level designs are especially atrocious, All levels are as close to the definition to linear as you can get without there being arrows everywhere and only one direction to travel in, to it’s defense though it gets better towards the end Where you actually have a car chase scene that’s very reminiscent on a gun shooter, A mission protecting the little boy and one sniping level, unfortunately by the time the game starts getting any better it’s over, but instead of being dissapointed, I was actually rather relieved when all was said and done.

Normally I don’t touch too much upon graphics this early on in a review, but this game looks like a 64 game, infact the best part about the game as to be the art on the actual case and disk itself, it makes me want to believe that more money was actually spent on drawing cliched anime girl #162763987 than on actually making the game fun.

If you were hoping this game would be fun I’m sorry to have burst your bubble, and I swear the first person who comments saying this game was actually decent needs a bullet between thier eyes.

Bottom Line:

Graphics: You may as well turn on your N64, infact I have seen better looking 64 titles, you won’t be buying this because it’s pretty.

Gameplay: Over 50 percent of the game is doing roughly the exact same thing, by the time it gets any better it’s over. Bad combat and atrocious collision detection don’t make it any better.

Sound: It’s been only a couple of weeks since I played this and I remember nothing, chances are you will too.

Import Friendlines: Moderate, I suppose if you were a massochist and decided to import this title you might not have your friend assist you with Seppuku, the game has enough in game cut scenes to keep you abreast of generic plot they were trying out.